What defines "YOU"?

A couple of things have transpired recently that got my mind thinking and well, you know me?  I need to put it down on paper to think thru my thoughts.  First it was an awareness of people around me and what I see defines them as a person. Secondly, it was the person who talked to me about love and Lastly, it was speaking to a group of people about what’s truly important.

 There are so many things up there in our head. Look, you’ve already forgotten when you were born and how midnight-dark it was at 5:00 p.m. and what it felt like—if it felt like anything—to come into the world alone and afraid as a screaming monkey. (ha ha) You forgot how you learned to crawl on a hardwood floor on the Southside of town and the night your sister was born, as if she magically appeared one morning like a bowl of cereal would on the counter. You’ve forgotten the yellow plastic on the chairs in your kitchen and how your thighs stuck to them when it was humid and how the backyard looked overgrown.  You’ve forgotten when you climbed the dresser and it fell on you and how you wondered if you and your childhood friend were dead and, if you were, it wasn’t so bad, was it?

You’ve forgotten the way your father’s shirts smelled and the first boyfriend or girlfriend, the first kiss, your first dance. You’ve forgotten sleeping at your grandmother’s before she went to the nursing home and how you slept on the old sofa bed, lumpy and flowery smelling, and how you thought that must be how everything ended up eventually.

What we forget is so great compared to what we remember that I think there must be a holding room somewhere where it all waits to be needed.

If we remembered every detail and every heartbreak, we’d literally be walking around comatose, afraid to touch door handles and tabletops, as if they’d explode in our palms.

 If we remembered every pain our body has known, we might never get up off the sofa and, then, what would become of love?  It would wither away in some corner, and, eventually, it too would forget its own genesis.

We think that what we remember tells so much about who we are. I sit down at my computer to write, and I beg my brain to go back in time and relive things for me since I don’t journal or write anything down. What can you tell me about who I am?

I know there’s things in that holding room that offer solace and things that, when you call for them, shake with the joy of being picked. Me? You really want me? As if they were the last to be picked for the team and were so grateful just to not be left out again. You beckon those things in that waiting room, and, all of a sudden, it’s as if they were there all along, as if you never forgot what it felt like to be that carefree kid.

 The rooms that hold the parts of us we don’t need or want. The rooms that house our hurts and losses and never agains are right up against the ones that hold what we said this morning and what we ate for dinner, they hold last week’s date or that glass of wine with a friend.

The mundane and beautiful and the horrible next to each other like a collage.  Isn’t that life, though?  Everything and everyone pressing up against each other, vying for space. When there’s only so much space. There’s only so much, yet I am the one who will find the space and nurture the relationships around me with no regard to myself and the space I need.

There’s much to support the fact that forgetting is essential to our peace of mind and to memory itself. 

 How can we create space for new memories if we never forget anything?

It’s like a picture that you’ve had sitting in the window by the sun for too long. One day you look, and the picture is faded, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t make out who the person on the end is although, at one point in time, you are sure you must have held their hand and loved them. How does that happen?  It happens. We can’t hold onto everyone and everything.

I’m blessed with several friendships for over twenty-five years. At one point in time, these friendships were fresh and brick-solid, full of face time and handwritten letters. Things like children and careers and distance factor in, as well as the fact that who knows if we would’ve been friends if we had met at thirty instead of ten years old, or at 30 instead of 50.  Sometimes, I get panicky and most often want to protect these friendships, as if by not being able to maintain them over time, I am somehow a lesser human. I have somehow failed. Yet I continue to try to hold on even though it is one-sided.  Why?  Because “Relationship” defines me!

The fact is, you can’t hold onto all of it.  There’s a dinghy, and you have to choose what you don’t want to drown you. If you try and hold onto all of it, that’s exactly what happens. It swallows you, and you can’t maintain any relationship.

 When I start to feel badly that I don’t have room for anymore, I like to remember the holding room and that they’re all there. Somewhere. I try to do so much. I keep thinking that everything can fit. That if I stuff one more sweater in the suitcase, it won’t make a difference. I try and sneak in as many things as possible until I get told that I have to check the luggage. Check the luggage and place it in the holding room.

What is the holding room? It’s the place where we keep what we don’t have room for at the moment.

 Remember “layaway plans” at department stores? I’m dating myself, but when I was a kid, places like Kmart had something called a “layaway plan” where you’d put all your stuff that you wanted to buy on hold and pay for it in increments. When you finally paid it off, you could take your stuff home.

I think sometimes people would take so long to pay off their stuff on layaway that, by the time they were halfway through, they wouldn’t even want them anymore. Those jackets? So last season! The pants? I hate them now. The sheets? We got a bigger bed. I think that’s what happens to the “givers”.  I have to put relationships on hold so I can truly decide if I want to remember them anymore.

 Close your eyes. Imagine yourself in that room. If I count to twenty, quietly, here at my desk, I will have picked up exactly which things I want to remember, which things I want to take off layaway, which things I want to carry through my life and who I want to hold in my arms.

People. We’re funny like that. Always shifting and moving and changing and going from one pleasure to the next, one body to another. It’s what we’ve done since the beginning of time, and it’s what we will probably all do until we die. We want to take it all with us from one place to the next, but, in the meantime, we drop things all over the place because our arms are only so big. But because it was too much, because you didn’t nurture what was important, neglect set in.

We wake up and say Where did it all go? I had it right here! I had it right in my arm, right in my heart. 

Because I have great relationships in my life, full of love, I often hear the voice of reason:  So this week I heard from a special man who sat me down and said, “You can’t take it all and do it all and remember it all and be it all.”

I WAS REMINDED, I have a layaway plan and so much of what I thought was lost has been there all along, right next to the sound of my daddy’s voice, and the things he taught me.

The things I want to remember? They’re there. OR they’ll wait for me. It’s up to me what I want to dig out and live with. It’s up to me what I take away from layaway. It’s up to me what I take on.

 What you forget does not define you. Neither does what you remember. In fact, nothing defines you, unless you let it.  Not one relationship, not one mistake, not one accolade, not one job, not one award, not one thing defines you.  Nothing can define you. Unless you say it does.

 If you let your job be more important than relationships, then you let your job define you.  Your job can’t comfort you at night.  If you let material things become your primary focus, then you let “things” define you as a person!  Life becomes about what you have.

 I’m getting better at putting one-sided relationships in that room, to make room for the relationships and love that is nurtured on both sides.  It’s not easy for me, but I’ve come to realize it’s healthy for me to let go. If you don’t let go of the side of the pool you’ll never learn to swim.  If you don’t put down all the packages you are carrying, you cannot pick up anything new.  Letting go is the hardest part of change. It is also the most liberating.

I’ve moved on and I had to let go.  Letting go and starting fresh can be fun.   Letting go opens new possibilities and sometimes drops burdens that weigh you down.  The path ahead is open and full of possibilities.   I’ve been redefining myself my whole life to get to a better me, to practice simply Love God, love others. Change offers me the opportunity to explore new venues, offer new services, meet new people and love community.  The decision to let go happens in an instant for me.  When it’s time to let go, it feels like releasing the string of a helium balloon, it is done in seconds.  Your vision of the future improves.

Once you let go of something, once you are free of the back and forth considerations of when and how and if to let go, you are free to focus on the path ahead. You are free to tune into the rising energy of the day and let it take you where it will. A load is lifted. You can stand tall. You can walk freely. A new adventure begins because you have finally let go.

Small or large – just let something go. I noticed how hard this was because it felt so big.  This week I honored my own timing. I’ve changed my focus and am looking the direction I want to go next.  I take with me only what I need to reach that destination.  I’m leaving the rest behind. You are becoming the voice of my past.   It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, but it does mean I value who I am.  My relationships define who I am, the effort you do or do not put into it defines you.  Time to continue to be June and live life, no holding back!

I’m proud to be so loved and to love back with all that I am, I’m proud that relationship with people defines my caring heart and I’m proud that I had a father who taught me about GOD, about faith, about love and about HEART!

 From my heart to yours,  Junann Smith (6-2-2017)

Cash Cow vs. Sales Parrot

                  Cash Cow              vs            Sales Parrot

These two functions have been arm wrestling for dominance since forever and a day. Each believes itself to be the more important half of the pair. As a 35 year Credit Manager in just about every Industry including a Collection Agency, today is an opportunity to set everyone straight!

On the credit side, we have the generic opinion of salespeople as fixated on making the sale at whatever cost. They seem to have tunnel vision which totally bypasses the probability of ever collecting on the account. At worse, they are seen as pushy parrots whose sole calling is to repeat the same sales pitch to new prospects without regard to the risks these prospects pose to profitability. At best, they are incentive driven, quota focused, glad-handers who would "give away the store" to make the sale.

Sales has a different take. They wonder if the credit department people have a clue as to what's going on in the "real world." They see credit as obsessively focused on details that have little impact on the big picture. The credit manager seems to come up with endless ways to delay, pick apart, set up road blocks to, and eventually kill the sale. They say, credit has earned the title of sales prevention. Credit, it seems to them, is oblivious to the fact that sales drives revenues and are the life blood of the company.

Hmmmm, so Cash Cow vs Sales Parrot! Each has its own view, its own side of the story. Each is certain the other does not understand its importance or the challenges it faces. If only the other would get on board and see the larger vision (defined by their particular agenda), all would run smoothly and profitably.

The solution to this sparring match actually does lie in focusing on the larger vision. But that vision is greater than the agenda of either sales or credit - it lies in the overall success of the company. And, for that success to be realized both departments must effectively perform their functions. Interestingly, neither can perform effectively without the other. Ha-try to wrap your arms around that one!

So, here are the cold, hard facts. Credit has no purpose without sales. The credit function was birthed to facilitate and support sales. But before all you salespeople start gloating over a victory, because I know some of you are reading this, HEAR THIS! Without credit, profitable sales - the kind that consistently bring in revenue and make for a successful company - are not possible. Remember, the purpose of sales is not to meet quotas or win incentives, but to bring in the cash. Need I repeat that again? REMEMBER, THE PURPOSE OF SALES IS NOT TO MEET QUOTAS OR WIN INCENTIVES, BUT TO BRING IN CASH!

Cash only flows when accounts are paid according to terms or are collected by the credit department. The probability of collecting the cash rests squarely on the shoulders of the credit department's decision to extend credit to begin with or in my business to protect our receivable once a purchase order is accepted.

Are you getting the picture - or should we say, larger vision? It's in everybody's best interest to not only let each department do its job, but to cooperate and even collaborate with each other for maximum impact on the marketplace.

The successful company relies on credit and sales working together to bring in the kind of business which results in overall growth. By agreeing on this as their mutual goal, replacing stereotypical characterizations with relationships, and adding in a good dose of humor and patience, these two functions can work together. And, maybe, even enjoy it. Hopefully, at this point, you get my point that sales and credit are on the same side. Approach working with each other from that standpoint. One of the best places to start is by improving communication.

My best days as Credit Manager was when I had the opportunity to teach the sales force what credit was really all about so that they understood A sale isn't a sale until the money is collected. As the company cash cow, I can make them look better and get paid there commission faster. On many occasions we played Good Cop, Bad Cop sitting in the same room together. We worked as a team, we shared offices so I was always aware of what was happening. We shared Information. Successful credit management is based on the availability of complete, accurate and timely information. This information, shared across departments in a cooperative environment, will help eliminate misunderstandings and improve the effectiveness and efficiency of both credit and sales.

It became clear to the sales force that I was as interested in making the sale as they were. I made them understand that the more information supplied, the greater the likelihood that I would be able to find a way to approve the account or develop a compromise solution. I was able to teach them how credit can secure riskier transactions that would otherwise not be approved, and how sales can help that process to benefit their bottom line. After all, aren't we all just customer service reps?

I invested time in the sales force which helped remind everyone our jobs are interactive. The sales force and credit department should be trained to recognize the needs of each department in establishing Cash, COD or Open Account customers. Credit should attend sales meetings and give presentations on various aspects of credit as well as the use of alternative arrangements when open credit is not appropriate. By working together in the same department, we were effective and a dynamic force. This "walk-a-mile in my shoes" exposure provided a better understanding of the challenges and frustrations that each of us go through. Sound easy?   Ha - if your a credit manager you know its not!

Again, Cash Cow vs Sales Parrot? Which is the more important function? As long as the wrestling match continues, both lose - because the organization as a whole is adversely effected. The winning strategy is teamwork - two vital, interdependent functions in agreement on creating an environment that gets results and benefits the organization. Credit managers and sales people are on the same team; the team that sells.

A trained, informed and motivated team that fosters inter-departmental cooperation will help your company offer those customers top-notch service. In the end, EVERYBODY WINS!

 

Everyday Brave

I was never that someone to just sit around and let 'life" happen!  I've always been that person that wanted my everyday life to have a little more umph, a little more celebrating time and and a little more (for lack of a better word) LIFE!  I never wanted to wait for that special sometime, but instead wanted those special sometime moments in my Every Day.  Once I started looking, it wasn't hard to find the special moments in my EVERY DAY( maybe a special song on the radio, running into a long time friend, completing a project, hearing and saying the words "I love you") and I embraced them and was thankful!

This brings me to why I laid awake last night; I think the same can be said for choosing to be "Brave" . We often think that being "Brave" is something that only happens when we stand on a cliff or jump out of an airplane or get on a flight across the ocean. What if there is "Brave" in your everyday?

It's "Brave" to get out of bed in the morning, when you think you have nothing to smile about. It’s "Brave" to open the Bible when you feel disappointed with where you are in life. It’s "Brave" to go to a funeral when your heart is broken. It’s "Brave" to apply for the job when you aren’t sure you're qualified for it. It’s "Brave" to say yes to the date when it's time for you to move on. It's "Brave" to pick up a phone and call a friend and tell them you NEED them. It’s "Brave" to choose Jesus when those around you don’t know Him yet.

We all wish we could be a little "Braver", but fear can still jump into our day to day activities. It keeps us from taking action, keeps us from loving each other, makes us scared to start new relationships, progressing at work, and even causes us to procrastinate. For me, I need to tap into my "Bravery", boost it and take on every day with courage.

"Bravery"  is mental toughness,  knowledge, and confidence all wrapped up into one trait. With "Bravery" you can make tough decisions, take action without wasting time, and approach uncomfortable situations comfortably. You need "Bravery" when you take on new tasks at work, confront others who rub you the wrong way, and even on your day to day general journey because you're afraid of doing something less than perfect. When you become "Braver", you become more capable of taking action and handling the things that come your way.

 "Bravery" is not something you're born with, though, and it's not something you can acquire overnight. Like all desirable traits, it's something you work at developing.  If you want to be "Brave" , you need to Be terrified of something, Do it anyway, Be less scared than the first time you do it and repeat. Otherwise there's only one alternative. Be terrified of something, Do nothing!  Just sit back and let life pass you by, because your still terrified.

Of course, there's more to it than "doing it anyway." It's important to note that bravery is just as much about understanding who you are as a person as it is about confronting your fears.  What "Bravery" really comes down to is learning how to repeatedly turn uncertainty—which is what drives most of our fear—into being approachable, and opening our hearts and minds to risk!

Unfortunately, it's hard to be "Brave" with something if you've never been exposed to it. By doing what you fear, little by little, you slowly, but surely take away the uncertainty of it all. If you're afraid of heights, go somewhere high up. Not too high at first, but just enough that you're still afraid. Experience it. Feel it. Next time, go a little higher. As you go, you'll see how small the risk really is, and you'll be braver for it. Learn how to handle things little by little.

It doesn't matter what it was, as long as you were "Brave". For example, say you made a mistake at work. Your dreading telling someone because you were afraid, but it had to be done. Once you finally got it over with, think about that moment when you said to yourself, "here goes nothing..." Someone taught me along time ago to call these my "power moments".

Try to notice those times when you're feeling strong and competent. Pause and take a few slow, deep breaths and tell yourself, "This is who I am." The more you recognize when you're being strong, the more fearless you'll become.

Big or small, "Brave" moments are fuel for future "Brave" acts. That fuel rolls over any time you need it. When you're scared, you can just remind yourself "Hey, if I could do that, I can do this."  When I do something "Brave", I try to capture that feeling in a mental bottle.  I Celebrate it, take a picture, find a keepsake, anything that can remind me of how awesome I felt at that point in time.

Others see me as "Brave"!  People think I'm all put together, because I made a choice not to show fear! Sometimes being "Brave" is just a matter of looking at things from the outside. I have obligations, I have people who depend on me, so I continually find ways to  look at my situations differently so I can tap into my Every Day Brave! If I wasn't afraid, I often wonder how much better of a person I would be!   When we reflect and look at our situations from a different perspective, we may find that we really are capable of doing things wholeheartedly, without fear.

If I can't seem to find "Bravery" in the moment, I pretend that I'm not afraid.  "Fake it 'til you make it", is the phrase and I do! Others see me as "Brave" just the same, and sometimes I just convince myself that fear is all in my head.  Most people never see the fear behind the smile, but it is a constant battle for many of us!

I continue to tap into my EVERY DAY BRAVE, as I move forward in life's journey! As I leave the past behind me, I am continually challenged to be Brave and move forward! I look around daily at the lives of others and what they're going thru.  I find courage and hope thru all of lives HEROES!  The obvious is our WAR HEROES, POLICE OFFICERS, FIREMAN, EMTS, DOCTORS, NURSES, ETC and I am so thankful for them.  But I'm talking about the Everyday Heroes in each of our lives! I'm surrounded by Family Heroes who have overcome, I'm surrounded by young women who continue to empower me daily, I'm surrounded by friends who have suffered great loss and others who have fought tremendous Battles.  Together in all walks of my life, I have the greatest role models, the greatest Heroes and the greatest example of "BRAVE"!

So my friends, to those of you who are hurting, I think the everyday "Brave" is the stuff that will change your world. The "Brave" in your home, your office, your church, your relationships and each other. These are the "Brave" moments worth celebrating. It doesn’t have to be big gestures or loud announcements. Just be "Brave" in your life, whatever is before you, PRAY and watch what GOD does in those everyday brave moments.

From experience I've learned, The hardest "Brave" of all is to hold on when you want to let go OR let go when you want to hold on!  I've always known who I am but was reminded this morning thru prayer to Continue to CELEBRATE LIFE AND CELEBRATE FAMILY AND FRIENDSHIPS and know that for me THIS MEANS.....


My "Brave" is to be a unique "ME" in a world that celebrates ordinary.

Welcome to Pageant Week

 Welcome to Pageant week Girls -

I thought it was time to talk a little more from my heart - so forgive me if my candidness affects you!  Instead I hope it inspires you!

The desire for approval often stops us from truly following our hearts. If you are looking for validation, hiding your true self and trying to prove yourself to others, then please stop it. I am saying this from a loving space because I spent most of my early years doing exactly this. I stopped log ago trying to get people to like and accept me. I started thinking about living the kind of life I’d always wanted. In my moments of questioning myself, I go back to remembering how controlled I felt and what a big job it was to try and make everyone like me.  It's much nicer to be self-confident and self aware. I have learned that I don’t need the approval of others in order to succeed. I also don’t waste my time and energy worrying whether others disapprove of my choices.

You Don’t Need Approval, yet I see many girls caring too much about what others think of them or feeling they have to change who they are in order to fit in or be accepted.

The trouble is you can’t please everyone all of the time, nor should you try. Our true beauty lies in the complexity of our emotions, our vulnerabilities and our imperfections. When you decide to embrace the authentic YOU, ( THE REAL YOU) instead of who you think others want you to be, you give yourself the opportunity to experience real success and real happiness in your life.  You do not need the approval of others to validate yourself or to succeed in life.

Consider this – it’s better to be hated for who you are than be loved for who you aren’t.

Maintaining a facade is hard work. You are not relaxed and give off a nervous vibe that people pick up. I see this a lot in young women.  Your judges too, will pick up on this!  Their trained to look for the phony! And although occasionally they are fooled, it is not often.

My advice to you is to drop the pretense and let the real YOU shine brightly. You already have a unique personality that can be the very DNA that the judges are looking for! Stop comparing yourself to others and trying to be someone you‘re not just because you think that is what you must be in order to wear the crown.  When you can be yourself around others, you become magnetic. 

It doesn’t matter if we are talking about your family, your facebook page,  your blog, friendships in real life or the title of Miss California. The bottom line is that people are drawn to authenticity so quit seeking approval or “borrowing” from others. BE YOU!

It’s very easy to constantly ask for opinions and approval from all of those around you but trust your  intuition.  At times you may well find yourself in a difficult situation and need help or a second opinion. But do you do this all the time? The trouble is that most of us just aren’t in touch with our feelings. It’s easier to look for outside approval than do the work of getting to know ourselves better.  DO THE WORK - learn to know and love yourself!

 

Doesn't this go back to my favorite question? What do you see when you get up in the morning and look in the mirror?  You've rehearsed the pageant answer, but what's your REAL ANSWER!   Learn to trust your inner voice because only you know what’s really right for you.

Right now, Start!  This is pageant week and some of you are struggling emotionally.  Check in with yourself and listen quietly! Don’t put any pressure on yourself to “get it right.”  You can only do your best in that very moment, but that choice is yours!

If you make a mistake in a particular phase of competition, you let it go and move to the next phase, stronger - giving your all every moment and never being defeated!

The only way to change things in your life is by taking total responsibility for everything you do. You are the only person who can make things happen in your life. You are the person who decides whether to be great or ordinary. This kind of self-awareness is essential if you want to take charge of your life and by doing so change the course of your future. 

 

What makes you feel alive on stage, will be what's in your heart come pageant night!  So do yourself a favor, Calm down and be a woman of integrity, honest, open, engaging, intelligent and show the judges your passion for life! Focus on YOU and bringing the best YOU not only to pageant week, but everyday after!

The need for approval affects all of us at one time or another but it can paralyze you from pursuing the very things that make you happy and feel alive inside.  Do you love that dress and feel beautiful in it?  - Then YOU ARE beautiful in it!  Have you rehearsed current events and interview and know you can answer the questions?  Then YOU WILL! 

It’s important to be true to yourself!  Speak your truth, and be Confident!  Walk your path with confidence and don’t expect everyone to “get you” along your journey. Listen to your inner voice and follow that, regardless what other people may think or say. Let it go girls - don't let your fears or what anyone has said, affect you!  Then you have defeated yourself.  Instead Breathe, Stay calm, F O C U S!  You've worked hard - you deserve this! 

Take care of yourselves this week and pamper yourself, REST, HYDRATE, EAT - Your hard work comes down to next week, HAVE FUN WITH IT!  None of what will happen next week, will be the end of the world!  Instead it will BE a new beginning full of blessings! It's God's plan, not ours!!!!

I love you all and am soooooooo very proud of each of you and what you bring to this program!  Each of you have touched my life with your stories and successes.  Because of each of you, I am once again reminded of why I invest my time and my love into this program.  You inspire me to be a better person daily!  Thank you for letting me be a small part of your journey!  May God calm your nerves, lift you up and Smile on your week and make all your dreams come true! 

Congratulations, YOU MADE IT, now go out and ENJOY IT!

Hugs, Hugs and Hugs,

Junann Smith Amaral

Executive Director

Miss Tulare County Scholarship Pageant