Embracing "NO"

One syllable. Two tiny letters. Yet there are some people who would rather DO ANYTHING than VOICE that sound. Even for people who can say “NO,” it doesn’t always come easily.

Our culture has given us ways that help us avoid having to utter that dreaded word. We have invented ways of suggesting that we might want to decline without having to look anyone in the eye and say “NO.” If you stand back and watch it happen, you’ll be amazed at the number of socially acceptable, watered-down alternatives there are for that simple, one-syllable word.  It’s as if we think speaking those two letters is going to kill us!  I wonder if that makes me a “no-o-phobic.” (Tee hee)

We all have friends who have a difficult time with NO! An example? I ask a friend to go to a social event that is important to me  I make the invite, no response! I offer the invitation the next time via text message or email, still no response! A third invitation, Again, nothing. I get it - "you've already answered my question through a passive "NO"!
It just means you can't look me in the eye and say “NO.” It really doesn’t matter whether you’re face to face, talking to them on the phone, texting or emailing them—they are far more comfortable having your request die of old age than actually refusing it. They’ll leave it for you to figure out.   “Just Say No.” But this is where you need to remind yourself that what’s terrifying for one person can be a walk in the park for somebody else.

Do I agree with this way to say "NO"? But it's true, I am not a passive person.  I think social honesty is more important, even if the expression of that honesty may lead to a few awkward moments. The easy way out is rarely the best way, and it is rarely something to be proud of. I’d go even further: When it becomes habitual, it is something to be ashamed of.

Few of us seek conflict, but it is hard to imagine a life without it. I disrespect the person who chose not to say “NO” when the invite came. You've avoided ruffling feathers at  what cost? Personal integrity? Cowardice? Disrespect? Do those sound like admirable qualities? Sometimes “NO” is the most honorable and respectful thing you can say to someone.
Nope! Unh unh. Naw. No. No!  Since I was just asked recently asked, "Did I know how to say NO, I want to embrace the beauty of NO.

It’s time to say NO for me!  As women, we’re taught to say yes: Yes to helping people. Yes to being the caretaker. Yes to juggling dinner and our kids’ bath time, homework, laundry and dishes. YES YES YES.

But damn, that is tiring. Saying YES to everything wipes me out. And I've got limited energy left for the important things or people in me life! So it’s time to say NO.

Clear  MY calendar. 

My calendar is filled with engagements I'm only half-interested in, but I said YES to because I didn’t want to appear anti-social, or hurt someone’s feelings. It’s time to clear those calendar events, Cancel them. Cross them out. I need to realize I don’t have time to spend on things that aren’t really good for me, b) really fun or c) really necessary. I invite myself to say NO to everything else.
Am I doing too much? It’s time to delegate. Maybe I need to have a heart-to-heart with people about sharing the responsibility. Maybe I need to find space in my budget so I can hire a yard man every couple weeks. I need to say NO to things I just can’t do, start asking for more help, and delegate. Maybe my result would be more energy, more time, and more time to focus on people and relationships.
“I know you’re really busy, but can you spare a few hours to volunteer at our art fair this weekend?” “I’m moving next month, can you help me pack?” “I’m cleaning out my closet, want to come over and help? You can have anything I don’t want anymore…”

Don’t do it, June! I feel like I should say yes. But  NO. My energy is precious, and I need to use it wisely. So often, I say yes to things that really aren’t good for me, out of fear the person making the request will feel hurt. They’re my friends, or my family members, and I don’t want to “let them down.” Well, tough. If they get their feelings hurt because I asserted my needs, that’s their problem, not mine.

The people who love me, who like me, who respect me, will get it when I say NO. I don’t owe them an explanation, but providing why might help ease the NO.

This will be a learning curve for me!  I was told I need a manager - that statement made me laugh, but probably isn't far from the truth. I'm a pleaser,  but I have to try and learn to Embrace the beauty of saying NO and see how that simple word, can change my life!