The HALO!

 

The fact that I survived my injuries and a stranger stood guard until rescue came is still a mystery and is a miracle in itself. No,  I do not take that for granted. I wake up every single day and am so thankful that I am breathing, that I can stand and am not in a wheelchair or dead like I should have been – like so many are. 

Instead, I can make my own bed, I can shower myself, I can clean my own house, I can drive a car and work a full time job, and I can do anything I set my mind too! Thankful? More than anyone who has never been in a similar place can ever understand. I am living my second chance in life and I knew there would be many exciting things ahead for me and I continued to work hard in true "June" form. 

Learning to walk again was something I never thought I would have to do.  I still struggle with my hip and ankle, and never walk without pain. But I can walk, and am walking my 7,000 to10,000 steps a day plus my 3 miles and that is what I care about. Who cares about the pain that comes with it. Breaking my neck seems to have led to ongoing issues with my back and I am aware of it when I make each and every movement. But breaking my neck has been something I could never have even tried to begin to understand just how challenging the recovery would be.

When I was in the halo you learn to breath differently, swallow food differently, eat much less, not bend at the waist, see everything with your eyes while looking straight ahead and learning new balance while you stand and use all your muscles to stop you from falling over again. When the halo comes off you are overwhelmed with fear of the unknown – the hard part really begins. The halo does everything for you. It allows you to heal, it holds your head up, it gives you the very strength you never knew you needed in your neck to just be able to function. As soon as it comes off you realize just what you are in for in your continued recovery. From the very day you begin to learn just how to hold your own head up all over again on your neck, a very damaged neck. When mine came off I cried from such fear of feeling the weight of my head on my neck again. And my neck had wasted away so much that it simply couldn’t do such a basic task. I could not hold my head up with my own muscles. Over time I learned how to re-train the muscles and worked double time to get enough strength back in my neck to just be able to hold my head up without a neck brace. All of a sudden so many things I had dreamed about in life became unimportant. I now just wanted to be able to stand up straight and be able to so for more than just a few minutes. With my neck came great pain and I began to learn how to live with chronic pain. It was so bad some days that I wanted to throw up from the level of pain, and it was common for me to fall asleep crying because I didn’t feel I was strong enough to do it all again the next day.

My ankle and hip would too often leave me in tears from the excruciating pain of my muscles grinding. It was still badly swollen a year later.   I now accept that this injury may never quite be right.  I also cannot crouch to ground level. Just simple things I once took for granted were no more and I had to adapt to moving in a different way. With my head I can now turn it 50% on one side and 35% on the other!  It crunches, the bones grind, and a headache comes on very quickly if I move it too quickly. But the fact is that I CAN move my head. I cannot look behind me while reversing in a car. I now have to rely on my mirrors only. 

So many stories of heroes in this time. From the people I work with to my best of friends, EVERYONE stepped  up to ride this journey with not only me but both my Mom and Mandi,  Nothing I can ever do or say for the countless hours all of you sacrificed for us, will ever be enough!   And believe it or not, I can feel that time, as if it were yesterday.  I can still feel every high and every low, if I take myself back!  I think this is one of GOD 's gifts to me, because it always serves as a reminder to so many things in my life!

As my injuries began to heal, I get back into full time work. Once again, I pushed myself far too hard too fast well before I was ready. At this point I had been without more than 2 hours sleep at a time for 7 months. The pressure sometimes became too much. I was not coping very well with not keeping up with the simple pace of normal life. I got angry with myself very quickly.  I still was going without much sleep, and I was so tired of being in so much pain. I do not remember a lot, but I do remember the day I realized I needed to be among the living, because I wasn't dead!

My family and friends stepped up in a heartbeat and they are the very reason I am still here today. I can never thank them enough for the support and understanding they have given me. I lost control of my thoughts, and I lost control of who I was. Dark thoughts would enter my head. I was so ashamed of myself.

I decided that I could no longer live in the pain I was in, doing day to day tasks. I began to re-learn all over again how to hold my head up. It was incredible – I began to sleep as the pain began to lessen. And with sleep there was less pain. I gained more strength by the day and one day I realized that "June" was back. I am so proud to say that I am not on any pain medication and haven't been since the halo was removed after 4 1/2 months.  My favorite saying had become “Someone who cries is not someone who is weak; they are someone that has been strong for far too long”.

For all of those who have broken your necks, I wish you a pain free life, one that is full of success, love, support, and freedom. I want you to understand that what you may be going through is more common than you realize. And I want to try and help some people supporting those recovering from a major accident to try and have a deeper understanding for all that they may be about to go through. Never ever judge a book by its cover. Everyone is battling their own battles and every single person needs and deserves a little compassion.

Do not give up. You CAN get through anything that you are faced with. If you have a passion, do all that you possibly can to get back into it. Do not let pain get in your way – push yourself harder to get there for the reward is better than you can ever imagine. I live with the pain daily and use it as a reminder that GOD isn't finished with me yet!  Someone needs me to touch there life and I work at that daily!  I feel so blessed!

To all the people who loved me thru the accident and in the years that followed, Thank you for your kindness and support and words of encouragement time and time again. Thank you for inspiring me with your own stories and strength. And thank you for allowing me to share my success, troubles, thoughts and emotions with you. It was very healing for me. You all have been my strength and support! 

I am a different person now without a doubt. But I believe I am a much better person for all the challenges I faced. Life is for living with real people who share real love and are not afraid to show it. I rode into my future 17 years ago knowing that my recovery was a blessing from GOD and that for all the hard work it took, all the tears and all the pain, the relationships that grew old and new, the support of a community, the outreach from strangers and the love of my family was at an all time high and  I rode into my future with a different mindset, and a fierce level of independence and pride. Hug someone who needs a hug, tell someone you are proud of them when you are, be a real friend and stay at someone’s side when you are needed most.

17 years later, I still need to say Thank you to my family. Mom, Dad (now deceased) and Mandi – you have all been the very rock that I have needed to lean on. Mom, your love and care for me brought me back to life and helped keep me out of some dark places in my heart. My Daddy, you have always been there to help when I have got myself stuck in many situations. To my baby girl, I can't even begin to tell you, but you know as only a daughter can know! And to my extended family of friends, you are never taken for granted. I know I am still blessed to know some very remarkable people and I thank you for not running away, but instead standing steadfast to be there no matter what I needed. To all those who were involved in my rescue, thank you for the enormous effort you put in to saving me that night. It was a very close call and this second chance I have is because of each of you. To my guardian angel, whomever you were, thank you for making sure no one moved me that night until the rescue team could arrive.  You disappeared into the night, but somehow I thought you knew my heart!  To all the medical staff whatever your role, thank you for never giving up on me thru all the ups and downs of my recovery! To the community of people who supported me, thank you for your unconditional kindness and prayers. So for now, a simple thank you from my heart. And from my lips to GOD's ears, I wish all of you, every single person who was there for me 17 years ago continued love, happiness, and contentment. May GOD Bless you! 

To God my Father, Thank you for life and for the daily pain that reminds me how blessed I am!  Thank you for your grace and always being with me!  Amen!